hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My balls are so social today.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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