He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
