never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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