carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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