I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
