Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
