Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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