just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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