I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
