Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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