I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
