margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
