You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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