shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
