nut hugger
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
