yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
