it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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