dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
