No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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