You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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