no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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