I think I died a long time ago.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had to cum in my sink.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
