omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
