it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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