Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
