I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
