mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sorry about my life...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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