so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
