also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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