Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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