I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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