it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
