U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize