nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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