Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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