Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
