Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
