Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
