I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Everything about him screamed your future.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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