Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
