TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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