im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We had to coat check the pizza.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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