If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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