Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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