You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
