Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
