Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
