I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
