I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
