i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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