dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
