I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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