I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
