Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize