1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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