is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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