I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
