Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
