I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
