Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drake has all the answers
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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