I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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