you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
