I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
