My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
