finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
