She is in my trunk
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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