we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize