who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
