yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
