Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And then he peed in my hair
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