I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
