dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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