worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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