He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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