we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
