Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
