The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry about my life...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
