I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
