I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i will never coherently bang her
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
