The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
