2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
