If i come over, it means nothing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
