oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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