You can't motorboat a personality
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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